Dealing with an aging parent . . .

Yesterday was a hard day for me.  My sister and I took my  mother to the doctor for one of her annual checkups.  She is 84 years old, lives in a nice retirement center, eats well, has everything she needs . . . but, she does not like being old.  She is not one of those women who grow old gracefully!  She has kicked and screamed the whole way, letting us all know that,  "growing old is not for sissies, and she does not like it!!"

I took this picture of her the day that we moved her out of  her house, into the retirement center - she looks like she was holding on to Caleb for dear life!  I think that she knew that life as she knew it, along with her independence was going fast. 

I was talking to my sister last night as she reminded me that my mother grew old quickly - suddenly, and out of nowhere.  She was young and vibrant one day, and old the next.  How does this happen?   She was a widow at an early age, I think she was only 54 years old when my father passed away.  She remarried 8 years later, and was a widow again after only 10 years of marriage.  She is a strong woman, and does not like to show her vulnerabilities, and hates to wear her hearing aids!

I know that, like all of us, she has good memories, many that are foggy and some that haunt her.   She remembers the things in her life that happened long ago, but has trouble with recent memories.  She has regrets and sorrows for things that might have been, and things that will never be.  She has good memories of friends and family;  some who are still living, and some who are long gone, but still vivid in her mind.  She remembers the good times, but also remembers the bad times, and still tries to make them right.  Like all mothers, she still wants to make life better for each of us, and would give anything to go back and do things over.  She loves us, and still thinks of us as children, not adults.  She's a mom.

This poem reminds me so much of my mother - I know that these are her thoughts:

Thoughts Of You

By Paula Stone

Memories of another time still come
To me and fill my mind, with thoughts
Of you when you were young. I lie awake
‘Till the morning sun comes creeping
Through my window shade, as I dwell upon
Mistakes I've made. What I would give to
Go back in time and feel you’re little
Hand in mine. To cherish each fast and
Fleeting day. To hold you close and kiss
Away, each pain that life will have in
Store and try to give you so much more.
You are part of me,  and will always be, imbedded in the soul of me. 

While I'm here, I want to say, that I've loved you
Each and every day and when my time on
Earth is gone, the privilege was mine to have been your Mom.

Hugs . . .