The last few weeks have been just full of emotion, of thoughts and feelings that I thought had been long buried and forgotten.
My youngest brother, who, for reasons of his own, was not close to our family, was diagnosed with pancreatic and liver cancer, about 2 months ago, he was only 52 years old. He didn't live nearby, so no one really saw him or really knew how serious his condition was, or how sick he was. In fact, I don't think anyone had seen him for at least 5 maybe 6 years. After his diagnosis, my older sister would talk to him every other day or so, and we would find out how he was doing. On May 20th, I received a phone call from my older brother, letting me know that my brother was in the ICU, and that his situation was very serious, and that he was not expected to live through the night, that he and my older sister were going to go and be with him and his daughter at the hospital. He passed away later that night, his body ravaged with cancer.
I had a very rocky relationship with this brother - he really disliked me! I won't go into details, because it's not important now, but he felt like I ruined his life, when I was actually trying to help him. I have not had the same reaction to his death as my other siblings. I have not felt that "sting" of death, or that deep sadness. He lived a very sad life, full of bad decisions, and consequences, so for me, his death was a blessing, because I truly feel like there were just things in this life that were holding him back from being the person that he wanted to be - he will be able to progress and heal on the other side, we have been promised that, by a loving Father in Heaven, who knows us, and loves us, and is anxiously waiting for us to return to him.
I have had a chance to examine my feelings for my brother, and my heart has softened somewhat. I will choose to remember him as a child - full of energy, full of life, full of love. I will choose to think of him with kind thoughts and good memories, of good times we had together and fun times.
His daughter had him cremated, so my mother, who is unable to travel, did not get a chance to see him for the last time, and find the closure that she so desperately needs and wants. We are having a memorial service for him this coming Saturday, and hopefully my mother can find some peace and closure. I found closure many years ago. My faith is strong, and I know that he is in a better place, with family and loved ones who are comforting him and loving him . . . I know that I will see him again, and it will be a happy reunion. Good-bye little brother . . . until we meet again . . .
Mark Howard Taylor 1962 - 2014
. . . Why should I be out of mind, because I am out of sight? I am but waiting for you, for an interval. Somewhere. Very near. Just around the corner. All is well.
~Henry Scott Holland~